Nov
3
2009
Living Smarter NOT Harder: Clean up Your Mess?
Author: Carolyn van Es-VinesIt’s 13:30 and I’ve just sat down for the first time today. My plan was to write. You see, I’m a bit behind on my 850-word-a-day deadline for my forthcoming first book, so maybe right now isn’t such a good moment to stop and look around me. There’s a mess everywhere. Have a look for yourself:
Do you know that I felt tired when I looked at the mess and thought to myself that maybe I’m spreading myself too thin. I don’t even have time to straighten up my house. As I write this piece, my toddler is yelling through the baby phone that she has a poop diaper. She’s supposed to be napping. So, before I finish this post, I’ll have to trudge upstairs and change her stinky diaper. Let me go on and do it now. Excuse me for a few minutes …….
Oh, my bad: her doll has a poop diaper. See what I mean? See why my house is a mess?
Despite needing to work on my book, I’m blogging because as I sat here looking around at all the messes, the words “live smarter not harder” flew through my head. Then I asked myself this question: do I look at the mess or should I look at what the mess means?
I already know how simply looking at the mess makes me feel: tired and inadequate; so, I thought briefly about what the mess means, and this is what I came up with.
I picked Chloe up from school this afternoon so she could eat lunch at home with her little sister and me. They sat agreeably on the couch and watched a bit of tv while they ate their sandwiches. I joined them when my leftovers from last night were warmed up. Paige passed gas, and the three of us cracked up when she laughed and said “pardon”.
When I finished my lunch, I went to the kitchen and made tonight’s dinner. Since Paige has her “mother and toddler” gym class this afternoon, I won’t have too much time afterwards to get dinner done so that we can eat early and put the kids to bed early enough to have some adult time. I made some delicious chili, by the way, also known as macaroni in Dutch.
While dinner was going, I also made myself a delicious pot of lentil soup with coconut milk since tomorrow I won’t have time to make it - I have several appointments. Tomorrow Paige goes to daycare, but today she’s home with me.
I realize I made a conscious decision to leave my position as an advisor at the university, in part to be at home when my kids get home from school. I realize I made a conscious decision to do my work during the three days that Paige is in daycare so that I’d have the other two free to spend with her and only her.
I noticed myself relaxing a bit and even patting myself on the back for spending quality time with my kids, preparing healthy, home-cooked meals for my family and giving up control over those things that, a month from now, won’t matter. I smiled at myself for realizing that a few years ago, I was almost obsessive with outer orderliness as a way to cover up my internal chaos. I’ve worked smart the last years, striving to be “OK” with where I am in my life or even in my day, and by allowing myself a few moments to look at what my messes mean, I’m rewarded with the gift of self-acceptance.
And a messy house!
November 3rd, 2009 at 16:10
Even though you sense that it’s messy. I see it as warm and lived in. Oh, I love the colors of your kitchen by the way.
I agree, I used to be borderline type A but after losing my mother 4 years ago, I went the opposite extreme…now I’m trying to find that welcome balance.
November 4th, 2009 at 13:53
Bravo for focusing on the important things! Thanks for sharing. Anyway, messy != dirty, so it’s all good in my opinion.
November 4th, 2009 at 14:15
Thanks, Kuri, for leaving a comment. Sometimes it is hard to see the positive side of situations, and I guess if I look long enough, I’ll see it.
November 4th, 2009 at 14:19
Hi Cynthia,
That is another way, indeed, to see it. Next time I’ll tell myself that it’s not messy - rather lived in and warm. Thanks for that. Sorry to hear about your mother, though. These traumatic experiences have a way of making us reevaluate how we go about our lives, don’t they? Since turning 40 a couple years ago, my major goal is to find balance in all that I do, so I really get you’re saying. Thanks for leaving a comment.
November 5th, 2009 at 15:46
You call that a mess? Want to see my living room and kitchen and I call them ‘tidy’!! It’s all a matter of perceptions, emotional baggage and standards, I guess. And hey, I thought the doll’s ‘poop diaper’ was hilarious!!
November 6th, 2009 at 18:59
Hi Jo,
Actually, I had to laugh myself when Paige told me her doll had pooped, even though I all but stomped down the stairs in indignation. And, yes, it’s all about how you see things. My mess is another person’s idea of clean so I try to keep that in mind. Thanks for commenting, Jo.