Oct
20
2009
The Gift of Motherhood
Author: Carolyn van Es-VinesYou know, I complain a lot about motherhood. It’s not the most glamorous job there is. It’s…hard…work. On an ordinary day, it’s…thankless…work. Today was no different.
Despite having a book to write and projects to edit, I chose to spend today playing BINGO with my six-year-old, who’s on fall break this week. I chose to supervise while she and her buddy baked sugar cookies. I chose to taxi them to their tumbling class and back. I haven’t been feeling too hot, but hey, isn’t that what mothers do?
Hubby had to work late tonight so I accepted the neighbor’s invitation to have dinner with her family tonight. Afterwards, I gave the girls a bath and let them lie in my bed and watch a short movie. At a quarter to nine, the lights went out and I went back down to watch Desperate Housewives (I’m not trying to be ironic here). I decided to watch this new show, Being Erica, in my nice, warmed bed. I brushed my teeth, took off my sweatshirt and slid under my two blankets. I sighed drowsily.
My two-year-old coughed. Even though it didn’t sound right to me, I was reluctant to get off my electric blanket, so I listened for more stirring. After I few seconds, I dragged my bones out of the bed to check on Paige. She’d just thrown up in her bed and was trying to fall back to sleep. Gently, I lifted her up trying to avoid touching the putrid-smelling vomit all over her hands. I silently cursed hubby for not being there.
As the shower warmed up, I undressed her whispering soothing words into her ear to keep her calm. She was shivering so much as I dried her off; I couldn’t get her dressed fast enough. I put a thick beach towel over hubby’s side of the bed and laid her down. She fell asleep immediately, but my work wasn’t done. I still had to rinse out the sheet, blanket, her pyjamas and sleeping bag before throwing them in the washing machine.
Wide awake by now, I went back downstairs to make a cup of my favorite fennel tea. As it steeped, I was filled with a most overwhelming feeling of gratitude. For the first time in a long time I was thankful for having received this gift of motherhood. I thanked the universe for allowing me to be here for this little baby. Children all over the world have little choice but to sleep in a bed of whatever ugliness life throws up at them, with no loving mother to gently lift them up and clean them off while whispering “it’s ok, baby, you’re ok” in their ears to keep them calm.
I know there’ll be days when I question my decision to become a mother. But on those days I’ll have something else: a gift.
October 21st, 2009 at 16:20
What a lovely post! Having lived and traveled in Third World countries I have seen disturbing things, and of course there are disturbing things closer at hand as well. I have had my bad days as a mother but I know what a gift it is to be able to take care of and love your children properly, and how lucky they were/are to have the family they have.
I cannot imagine what it must feel like to see your child suffer because you do not have the means to take care of him or her.
October 22nd, 2009 at 18:19
Ой, благодарю
October 22nd, 2009 at 20:51
Hello
It’s great when it hits you isn’t it! And usually at the most unlikely times. My eldest is unwell too and been off school today but sadly it wasn’t the relaxing day I’d hoped as the boys were really fighting, physically, all day. But we did manage to play Happy Families - slightly ironic! Yes, motherhood can be tough but then those little moments grab you and I’m always grateful for the reminder to be grateful.
Saffia
ps, did you get my messages? My copy of Feminista has arrived, shall we get reading and discussing?
October 24th, 2009 at 12:50
exquisite…and humbling. thank you for this today.
October 26th, 2009 at 22:33
Thank you, Miss Footloose.
October 30th, 2009 at 22:20
I’m not a mother and wonder do I have that patience and nuturing required. The older I get, the more scared I get. But glimpses like these let me see the rewards.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:53
Hi Courtney,
Had I read this post and not had children, I’d probably not had them! Yes, there are rewards but sometimes they seem few and far between. If you’re thinking about it you just have to do it. There are more reasons NOT to have kids than to have them. You’d do a lot better than you think!
February 12th, 2010 at 00:29
Carolyn, you are right. For most people there are more reasons not to than be mothers. Yours is a great peek into the gift of motherhood. Some of the great moments you cannot put words to. When my 8months old son fills my cheek with drool in an expression of a kiss, it warms my heart so much that the seemingly endless night awakenings to feed seem like nothing. He may not be able to say ‘I love you mommy!’ but i feel it and see it in his smile. And the shared feeling is priceless.
February 13th, 2010 at 09:36
Hello Mollynn,
That’s the thing: the more you THINK about becoming a parent - especially a mother - the harder it is to justify doing it. Once we become mothers, we have to be careful to stay away from the other extreme: losing OURSELVES to our children, which is why I was glad to see you there last weekend. It’s easy to wrap up our identity in that of our kids. We’re multifaceted women with various identities that all need to be nourished. How do we do that when the only identity we show the world is that of mother? Forgive my rant. As much as I was looking forward to the peace and quiet that come with my kids going to Grandma and Grandpa’s this weekend, I’m missing them terribly and can’t wait for a decent hour to call them! Thank you, Mollynn, for commenting.
April 12th, 2010 at 15:59
Thanks, Renelda. I’ll keep your idea in mind.